she looked like the before picture.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
