i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
