Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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