I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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