Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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