Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's blow job season.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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