final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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