I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
