It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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