I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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