so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
