weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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