I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
