I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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