Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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