I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
