I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
