I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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