I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
