can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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