so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
