we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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