His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
