I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
