Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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