no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
youre lurking in front of me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
