He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
