So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
