I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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