Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
