Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
