I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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