Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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