Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
