I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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