My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize