Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Soap is not a condiment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
