Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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