hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
