I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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