Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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