break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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