Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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