puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
