Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
