My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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