She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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