I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
