I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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