I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
