I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
