While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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