toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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