Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
