Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
