Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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