Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize