there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
