I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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