Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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