Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
