You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
