Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize