Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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