I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
