so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
