I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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