woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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